1 00:00:00,170 --> 00:00:01,330 - WHAT I'VE BEEN FINDING IS, 2 00:00:01,330 --> 00:00:04,030 ONCE I STARTED DOING THIS MINDFULNESS THERAPY, 3 00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:06,600 IT'S JUST BEEN PRETTY MUCH A GODSEND. 4 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,770 I WOULD SAY THAT, LIKE, SAVED MY LIFE. 5 00:00:09,770 --> 00:00:12,630 I'VE BEEN COMING TO THE VA SINCE, I BELIEVE, 2008. 6 00:00:12,630 --> 00:00:13,830 I'VE BEEN DEALING 7 00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:17,130 WITH SOME HORRIBLE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, 8 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:18,900 ALONG WITH OTHER PHYSICAL AILMENTS 9 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:22,530 THAT WERE GOING ON, WHICH WERE RELATED TO PTSD. 10 00:00:22,530 --> 00:00:27,500 AND, YOU KNOW, JUST LIVING WITH IT, 11 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:31,700 IT'S JUST BEEN A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THING, YOU KNOW, 12 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:36,330 HAVING TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY, YOU KNOW, NOT KNOWING 13 00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:40,670 WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO TO YOURSELF OR TO ANYBODY ELSE. 14 00:00:40,670 --> 00:00:42,300 YOU KNOW, FINDING YOURSELF 15 00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:45,970 IN A COMPLETELY ISOLATED SURROUNDING 16 00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:48,300 WHERE YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND ANYBODY, 17 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:49,770 YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND YOURSELF, 18 00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:51,830 YOU CAN'T LOOK AT YOURSELF. 19 00:00:51,830 --> 00:00:53,830 AND, YOU KNOW, AFTER MANY SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, 20 00:00:53,830 --> 00:00:56,630 YOU KNOW, I FOUND MYSELF HERE AT THE VA, 21 00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:59,030 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I WAS FAILING IN KILLING MYSELF, 22 00:00:59,030 --> 00:01:00,770 OBVIOUSLY I'M STILL HERE, 23 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:05,170 AND JUST HAVING TO DEAL WITH THAT, IT WAS JUST WRONG, 24 00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:08,630 AND I KNEW THAT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING 25 00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:11,070 OTHER THAN TRYING TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE. 26 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:14,570 AND THAT'S WHERE I FOUND MYSELF, YOU KNOW, HERE BACK IN 2008. 27 00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:16,970 ONCE YOU START DOING THIS MINDFULNESS THERAPY, 28 00:01:16,970 --> 00:01:18,500 YOU'RE FULLY AWARE, 29 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,900 YOU'RE FULLY CONSCIOUS OF EVERYTHING, 30 00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:23,130 YOU CAN HEAR EVERYTHING BUT YET YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH MORE 31 00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:27,230 IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY, WHERE IT'S, LIKE, 32 00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:29,330 WITH YOUR BREATHING TECHNIQUES AND YOUR BODY 33 00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:31,670 AND BE ABLE TO FEEL, LIKE, YOU KNOW, 34 00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:33,700 DIFFERENT PARTS OF YOUR EXTREMITIES, 35 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:35,930 YOU KNOW, AND JUST BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON THAT 36 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:39,100 ALMOST KIND OF GIVES YOU, 37 00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,530 I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, 38 00:01:42,530 --> 00:01:44,570 ALMOST LIKE A REBIRTH FOR THAT DAY. 39 00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:47,400 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABLE TO RELAX YOUR MUSCLES, 40 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,030 YOU KNOW, RELAX YOUR HEAD, RELAX YOUR MIND, 41 00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:52,670 AND JUST BREATHING IS JUST PRETTY MUCH 42 00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:54,800 THE ONE THING THAT COULD CALM YOUR HEART DOWN 43 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,270 WITHOUT HAVING TO TAKE A PILL. 44 00:01:57,270 --> 00:02:00,470 AND IT'S LIKE JUST BEING ABLE TO GO IN THERE, 45 00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:02,000 YOU KNOW, GO INTO YOUR OWN MIND, 46 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,300 AND PROCESS SOME THINGS, YOU KNOW, 47 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:08,570 THAT YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO PROCESS BEFORE, YOU KNOW, 48 00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,530 TAKING PILLS OR JUST SITTING DOWN 49 00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:11,670 TALKING TO SOMEBODY. 50 00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:15,300 YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LOT EASIER. 51 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:18,230 IT'S BEEN SO MUCH EASIER FOR ME, YOU KNOW, 52 00:02:18,230 --> 00:02:22,830 PERSONALLY, TO BE ABLE TO DO THESE, LIKE, CERTAIN EXERCISES. 53 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:24,330 ALL IT TAKES IS ONE TIME, 54 00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:26,130 AND MY VERY FIRST TIME, I WAS HOOKED. 55 00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:30,000 IT WAS, YOU KNOW, I WAS STILL ON THE MEDICATION, 56 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,570 BUT I KNEW THAT, YOU KNOW, I HAD TO STAY ON THE MEDICATION 57 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:37,070 UNTIL I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO KIND OF SWITCH OVER 58 00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:39,770 FROM JUST, YOU KNOW, DOING, LIKE, A MIND-BODY HEALING 59 00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:41,830 VERSUS CHEMICAL HEALING. 60 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,500 I GET PILLS SENT TO ME ALL THE TIME, 61 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,600 BUT ALL I DO IS RETURN THEM HERE, 62 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,900 BECAUSE I'M NOT TAKING THEM. 63 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,230 I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THEM. 64 00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:56,600 YOU KNOW, IT'S BECOME PART OF MY DAILY ROUTINE 65 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,330 TO BE ABLE TO DO, LIKE, SOME OF THESE DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES. 66 00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:02,500 THE VERY FIRST TIME ME AND DR. PROESCHER 67 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:06,400 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, DID, LIKE, THE MINDFULNESS, 68 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,200 I LEFT OUT OF HERE WITH A SMILE, 69 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,530 AND IT WAS A NATURAL FEELING OF EUPHORIA. 70 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:20,300 I FELT THAT NOTHING WAS ABLE TO GET TO ME, 71 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,670 NOTHING WAS ABLE TO BOTHER ME, 72 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:23,670 BECAUSE IT WAS ALMOST THAT I WAS REJUVENATED 73 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,970 AFTER WE DID THAT SESSION. 74 00:03:25,970 --> 00:03:31,570 AND, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I FELT THAT I WAS ABLE TO FACE THE WORLD. 75 00:03:31,570 --> 00:03:34,300 IT'S LIKE A NATURAL DRUG WITHIN YOURSELF, 76 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:38,230 TO HELP YOU, YOU KNOW, GET THROUGH THINGS, 77 00:03:38,230 --> 00:03:40,330 YOU KNOW, HELP YOU FACE THE WORLD, 78 00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:42,870 YOU KNOW, TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH NORMAL, EVERYDAY STRESS, 79 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:45,000 INSTEAD OF HIDING AWAY FROM IT. 80 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:49,600 AND IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, 81 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,530 THE PART WHERE, YOU KNOW, YOUR MIND 82 00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:58,000 JUST CREATES, LIKE, YOU KNOW, A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT 83 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,100 WHERE YOU PUT YOURSELF AT, 84 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,700 YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE NOTHING AROUND. 85 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:08,130 I WAS ABLE TO FIND THAT PEACE WITHIN MYSELF. 86 00:04:08,130 --> 00:04:10,930 YOU KNOW, AND IF YOU HAD ASKED ME 5 YEARS AGO, 87 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:12,670 I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO GO "F" YOURSELF, 88 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,070 BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO TRY IT, YOU KNOW, 89 00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:15,470 BECAUSE I'D THINK THAT'S, LIKE, ALL HIPPIE STUFF, 90 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:19,530 BUT I WAS A DOUBTER, TOO, YOU KNOW, I DOUBTED ALL THAT. 91 00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:25,300 AND FINALLY, YOU KNOW, IT WAS JUST A LAST DITCH EFFORT, 92 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:30,500 AND, FORTUNATELY, IT'S BEEN REALLY HELPING ME OUT. 93 00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,230 YOU KNOW, I'M MORE ACTIVE, I'M MORE SOCIAL. 94 00:04:33,230 --> 00:04:36,230 I GO AND TALK TO PEOPLE. 95 00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,970 AND ESPECIALLY WITH THOSE OF US, YOU KNOW, THAT I MEET, 96 00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:41,370 LIKE, ON THE STREET OR AT SCHOOL, YOU KNOW, 97 00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:43,930 I ASK THEM, "HEY, HAVE YOU BEEN EXPERIENCING 98 00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:46,730 ANY KIND OF, LIKE, ISSUES, ANY KIND OF PROBLEMS?" 99 00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:48,470 ALL OF THEM SAY NO. 100 00:04:48,470 --> 00:04:49,830 WE ALL DO. 101 00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:53,700 BECAUSE WE ALL DON'T WANT TO HAVE THAT KIND OF... 102 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:57,170 THAT TITLE, YOU KNOW, OF SOMEBODY WITH PTSD, 103 00:04:57,170 --> 00:05:00,470 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THE GENERAL PUBLIC, CIVILIANS, 104 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:01,730 PEOPLE THAT NEVER SERVED, 105 00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:04,030 THEY LOOK AT US LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE INFECTIOUS 106 00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:05,600 OR LIKE WE'RE GOING TO KILL THEM. 107 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,900 WHICH I THINK IT'S [BEEP]. 108 00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,070 YOU KNOW, AND STILL, 109 00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:15,270 I STILL FACE THOSE PROBLEMS EVERY DAY, 110 00:05:15,270 --> 00:05:18,130 BUT IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME LIKE IT USED TO, 111 00:05:18,130 --> 00:05:20,470 YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN I FIRST STARTED. 112 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:21,870 BECAUSE, LIKE, THROUGH TREATMENTS, YOU KNOW, 113 00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:25,030 THERE'S A LOT OF TRIALS AND ERRORS, 114 00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:28,800 BUT I JUST HAD TO REALIZE THAT, YOU KNOW, DEALING WITH PTSD 115 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,570 WAS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH. 116 00:05:31,570 --> 00:05:34,170 I JUST CAN'T SHY AWAY FROM IT, YOU KNOW, 117 00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:38,030 SO I USE THESE DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES, YOU KNOW, 118 00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:40,900 TO BE ABLE TO PUT MYSELF IN A WAY 119 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,730 TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH SOCIETY.